Frankly Speaking

I should be less of a coward

2012-01-29T02:24:00.001-08:00

Crazy stuff happened last night. Some of my friends and I went to Rockafellas to hang out. When we got out, we saw a man yelling at who I thought was his girlfriend. He was yelling, "What is wrong with you?" at the top of his lungs and cutting her off as she tried to walk away. We stayed around to make sure the situation didn't escalate. The situation seemed to calm down, so we felt it was safe to drive back home. However, on the drive back home, I started to feel really guilty, like really really guilty. I thought, "What kind of person, especially a Christian person, leaves in a situation like that?" So I made a quick U-turn and drove back to Rockafellas.

When I got returned, the girl was now sitting in the middle of the parking lot crying loudly. When the guy saw me, he started to help her pick up some of her fallen items. I asked her if she was ok, and she told me that the guy hit her. I didn't want to deal with this situation alone, so I went inside to get someone who could help. I told our waiter about the situation outside, and he went to get the manager. The manager and I went outside to assess the situation. The girl had called her sister I guess and the sister and her boyfriend came to pick the girl up. The sister said that the girl had a welt on her face and said it was starting to swell up. The guy and the girl had different views on what happened.

His side of the story: He claimed the girl was drunk and she was incapable of driving home safely. He tried to take the girls' keys, so she wouldn't drive off. He grabbed her keys from inside her bag, she jumped on his back, and he shrugged her off. Her face hit the ground, so that's why she had a welt on her face.

Her side of the story: The guy shoved her to the ground out of anger, and she got the welt on her face.

Then, the drunk girl couldn't find the keys to her car, so they spent some time looking for the keys.

From what I had seen before I left the first time, I was more inclined to believe the girl's side of the story. The guy was being an asshole, and I saw him rip the bag off of the girl's arm. The guy would also have a bigger reason to lie because he doesn't want to make himself look bad.

I told this story to David later, and he said that we should have stepped in earlier when we saw it happening the first time, and I agreed with him. I should be less of a coward.

Same dream, different outcome

2011-11-03T08:06:00.000-07:00

Today, I had the same dream, but with different outcomes. Ok, it wasn't exactly the same dream. The setting was different, the people in it were different, but it was both about the same situation in my life that I am going through. And in both dreams, my parents were leaving me. I have been thinking about this situation, so it was weird to see it manifested in my dream.

In my first dream, I was at my old Rockville townhouse, in my old room. And all of these people were in there too. There was a desk with a computer, and that was everything in the room. My mom and her friends were leaving for a trip, and they were all crammed into that room. They wanted to take a picture, so they gave me this old, hipster camera that didn't have a zoom feature, so I had to back all the way into my closet to get everyone in the shot. And my situation was there in the room as well, not THE situation, MY situation. We conversed and there was a pleasant outcome to this dream.

In my second dream, I was at the airport waiting in the check-in line because my parents were leaving for somewhere. While I was at the airport line, I saw my situation there as well. I tried to engage my situation, but it kept ignoring me, and I kept becoming agitated. That was an unpleasant end to that dream.

When I woke up, I had a negative or "sassy" attitude because of the latency of the unpleasant outcome. The second scenario seems more realistic, and I will probably have to deal with situation soon.

My Dream Today

2011-10-26T16:34:00.000-07:00

In my dream today, I saw myself in the mirror and I had longer, shaggier hair. Then, I commented to myself "Why is my hair so long? I just cut it a few days ago."

When I woke up, I looked at myself in the mirror and my hair was the normal size. It's funny how your brain sees yourself when you're dreaming.

This is the end...

2011-09-15T12:16:00.000-07:00

This is the end...of my time working at Cedarbrook Clinic.

I've been working here for about a year now, and I'm getting out. I tell people I'm quitting because I need time for apply for grad schools. That is true, but I also got tired of working here. I am not suited for working yet, and I suck at waking up early.

Honestly, after doing Summer Academy and all the transition at church over the summer, I thought I was going to work more at church. I was kind of banking on it, but after I was rebuffed because of church's debt, I sidled back into working at the clinic.

I'm in a lot of debt right now haha. Stupid, stupid. Hopefully, I can find some kids to tutor to make up for my loss of income.

If you can find me a job where I can wake up at 11 AM and not do anything, let me know.

Thought Grenades

2011-09-01T20:53:00.000-07:00

I looked at this blog last night and Eric encouraged me to write in it again. Actually, he told me to do a vlog, so he could mock me again. I'm not going to do a vlog, but rather a stream of consciousness.

Seeing all the students going back to school makes me wish I were in school right now. I am totally not suited for this 9 to 5 business world. I like making money, but I'd rather have my free time and freedom. I wanna live in a dorm with my friends, eat "free" food at odd hours of the night, walk to the gym and ball for 3 hours, play poker online at 4 am, and not have class or responsibilities on Fridays.

I can't wait til next week when the NFL season kicks off.

I'm getting fat.

I want some kaki no tane.

I went to Q Mart today to look for some C2 drinks, BUT THEY DON'T HAVE THEM ANYMORE!

I wanted to blog about something earlier in the day, but I forgot what I was gonna blog about.

I'll get back to this later. Maybe another 7 month hiatus.

New title, new format

2011-02-01T23:15:00.000-08:00

Maybe some new content coming up.

It's Official

2010-08-30T20:09:00.000-07:00

It's official! I have a job. I meant to post this earlier, but I became lazy. Today was my last day of freedom and I spent it revising my comprehensive exam, getting my hair cut, and wasting time. Tomorrow I'll have to wake up and go to work by 8 AM, which is ridiculous to me.

I'll be working at Cedarbrook Clinic, where Dr. Kim practices, and at church (i.e., NCFC) with Timothy students. It will be fun, but it will also be tough.

I have many prayer requests for these jobs:
- Wake up on time. I don't want to make a bad impression by always being late.
- Have patience. Have patience with co-workers and patients.
- Humility/Do it for God. Many times I want credit or recognition for my accomplishments, but I was reminded that I'm not doing this for myself.
- Strong relationships with Timothy students. I want to build strong, godly relationships with the students.

I'm sure there are more, but those are all I can think of for now. Please pray for me.

Best! Video! Ever!

2010-08-29T22:32:00.001-07:00

Thanks to Alex Lee for pointing this out to me on facebook.

This is not even for me, but I love it.

Aches on a plane

2010-08-05T23:27:00.000-07:00

These past 3 days have been very hectic.
Tuesday was outlined in my vlog, so I won't recount the story. Although I forgot to mention which rental car I got. I couldn't understand the lady at the rental car counter because she had a thick Latina accent, so I just agreed with everything she said. A few minutes after our conversation, I realized that she had given me the Chevy HHR.

Not exactly the sleekest or most gas-efficient car, but it was fine. I was able to rent a car for the first time, so it's a new experience.

Yesterday, I passed my exam and thesis defense. I had a feeling I was going to pass. I'm a genius, so it figured.

Today (Thursday) was the most hectic day. I woke up late, and the check out time was noon. After doing everything I had to do, I checked out at 12:01 pm. Then, I met up with one of my friends to catch up and have lunch together. First, we were supposed to eat at Outback Steakhouse, but it was closed. Then, we went to another sushi restaurant, but that was closed too. Finally, as a last resort, we went to TGIFridays. Not my first choice, but it was good enough.

After lunch, I drove the 2.5 hour drive from Tallahassee to Jacksonville because my flight was at 4:45. I left Tallahassee at 1, so I should have had enough time to make it to the airport. I got to the airport at 3:40, so I had some time to kill. I was able to catch my plane and we all boarded.

HOWEVER, thunderstorms and bad weather in the Baltimore/DC area prevented the plane from leaving Jacksonville, so we had an hour delay, which turned into a two hour delay. After waiting two hours for an announcement, we finally got some news. Our flight was cancelled. I stood in 3 different lines to talk to the airline workers, and after 1 hour of waiting, they told me I had been re-booked to fly out on Saturday. What am I going to do for an entire day and two nights in Jacksonville with no car and no hotel? On top of that, I hadn't eaten since lunch, but all of the restaurants at the stupid airport were closed. But I found a bar that gave me some bar food to go.

So I went online (thank God for free internet at Jacksonville airport) to book a new flight with Southwest that was supposed to bring me back Friday morning at 9 am. As I was walking back to the terminal, I saw that another Southwest flight to BWI had been delayed til 10. I ran over to the new counter and talked to the lady if I could change my flight to that one instead. Thankfully, she said yes, and I was able to board that plane. I even got an early seat choice (Zone A, #16). I sat in the first row by the window. Unfortunately, there was a loud, annoying, drunk woman sitting across the aisle from me and a (tipsy) mother and her child (age 4) sitting next to me. This wasn't a problem until the end of the flight. As we were descending, the little girl started crying because the change in air pressure was making her ears hurt. The mom decides to use me as an example and tells her daughter that I travel all the time and my ears hurt too. I was a little weirded out, but whatever. She's trying to normalize the daughter's pain and calm her down, so I didn't mind. As long as it kept the baby from crying.

Afterwards, she started having a deeper conversation with me. We talked about where we lived and what we did. She told me how she had a job lined up in DC from her hair stylist. I think she was doing some kind of marketing for people in DC, but I couldn't hear her and I was too confused to ask. Then, she told me that I should have her number and I should text her, so she would have my number. She told me she would call me when she needed people to "take care" of the models and drive them around. She also told me that guys she hired before are unreliable. So now I'm thinking, "What the heck and what do you do for a living?" When the plane landed, she took her daughter to the bathroom, and I left that airplane as soon as I could get out of there. Thankfully, I was back in DC, although 6 hours later than my original landing time. And spending 7 hours at the airport!

I think God was really testing my patience today. Haha. I saw so many people melt down and yell, which never helps the situation. I was able to keep my cool and tried to be polite to everyone I came into contact with. Today reminded me of this video.

Almost done with school

2010-08-03T22:19:00.000-07:00

Addendum: I was woken up today by the cleaning lady coming into my room. She knocked, but I didn't hear her, so I jumped out of the bed when she came in. She was startled by me jumping out of bed, so she jumped into the air. All in all, a startling way to start my day.

Good News Everyone!

2010-07-19T23:39:00.000-07:00

Good news everyone! Bad news for some. After some long deliberation and conversations with my parents, I have decided to take a comprehensive exam instead of writing a thesis. This should allow me to graduate this summer semester and not spend another semester or two conducting a thesis study at FSU. I wanted to write a thesis to have an object as a result of all my hard work in graduate school, but I think my time and resources are better served here in Maryland. Hopefully I'll get a job, then afterwards I'll probably go to more school (huzzah) for counseling psychology. That's the plan for now, but it's always fluid and it may change. Hopefully God is leading me toward his direction and what He wants me to do.

Entitled, self-important women at Falls Grove

2010-06-09T13:27:00.001-07:00

Coincidentally, I went to Panera in Falls Grove exactly a week ago and then I went again just now. Maybe I subconsciously want Panera every Wednesday. I ordered a salad today because Chipotle tore up my stomach yesterday. Let me expound on people who annoy me at Falls Grove. While I was in line, I encountered another group of people I cannot stand at Falls Grove, entitled, self-important women. This woman was in line behind me, getting ready to order her food. The woman in front of me was at the register and she was ordering, but she wanted some small alterations to her food (no tomatoes or something). The woman behind me lets out a huge audible sigh to signal her dismay that someone should want to personalize her order. Then I order quickly because I know what I want. Then the woman gets to the register and she's ordering with some intricate details like slightly toasted, half-cut green peppers, not too much sauce, all while tapping away on her iphone.

You kidding me? You get all huffy and puffy when someone changes their order, but you can specify the smallest details of your meal? Then you get mad at the cashier for "messing" up your order because you were too focused on your iphone. I'm pretty sure that you don't even work, based on what you're wearing, and what time you came into Panera. You're probably not even looking at something important on your iphone. You think you're so high class because you order overpriced foods at Panera. UGH.

Entitled people annoy me the most! Ergo my dislike for a certain group of people from a certain school in the area. Freaking self-important, entitled women annoy me more than the high school kids at Falls Grove because I was a high school kid once, but I will never be a woman.

Strange dreams

2010-06-09T13:00:00.001-07:00

I've been having a lot of strange dreams this past week. There have been dreams of guns, me hunting after people or people shooting at me. I have also experienced strong emotions in my dreams, emotions like anger, jealousy, bitterness, hatred, fear. I don't know why I'm having these dreams. Some of them are partially based on the events going on in my life, but others are completely random. Why is a church member holding Pastor Mo and other church members hostage in a house, and KY and I are like SWAT team members going up the stairs to kill them?

Last night, I dreamt that this girl wanted to kidnap me, so she employed her family to help her. It was no ordinary family. It was a family with guns and military training, and they were scary. They kidnapped me and placed me on a chair in their living room. Then, she shot me with a shotgun in my leg, so I couldn't escape. I was like WTH!? Then other things happened in my dream, but I don't remember them in detail. Earlier in the night, I also dreamt that I was yelling at Flo in a house full of people because she didn't do her dishes. Then other people got mad at me for yelling, and I was bitter at them.

HS Kids at Falls Grove

2010-06-02T12:34:00.000-07:00

I hate when I go to Falls Grove and it's full of high school kids from Wootton, RM, Churchill or whatever hole they crawled out of. Paying in dollar bills and pennies, taking their sweet time in line, acting like they're so important, acting like Falls Grove is a hot spot, girls trying to wear skimpy clothing even though they don't have the right form for it. Get a life. Go do your homework. And then they look at me, trying to figure out if they know me from somewhere because they think I'm in high school. I don't know you, and you don't know me. I'm probably 8 years older than you. Stop staring at me, with your awkward stances, not completely sure how to act in a crowd full of adults.

I Need a Phone Buddy

2010-05-11T21:46:00.001-07:00

I made another safe trip back to Florida early this morning. Another 13 hours of my life wasted in a car. Some of you might be wondering, "What do you do in a car for 13 hours?" I'll tell you what I do. I mostly listen to music, radio or my ipod. I get tired of the radio quickly though, because the same 5 songs get played over and over again, regardless of where I am. I'M TIRED OF HEARING YOUR PRE-PUBESCENT VOICE JUSTIN BIEBER!

Then, around hour 6 or 7, I start to go crazy. You can't be by yourself for that long a period of time with no stimulation and not go crazy. When I get restless like that, I start to imagine music videos for the songs I'm listening to. I try to create mental images of how I would direct the music video. Then sometimes I might dance along to a song. Not like a full-on dance (it's a confined space), but mostly my hands and arms, then I might imagine how the rest of my body would be moving.

By hour 10, I'm really bored and I'm practically yelling the songs to keep myself occupied and awake. Sometimes I call people, but my guy friends don't talk long or they don't pick up. They don't even like video chatting with me because they think it's weird. That's why I need a phone buddy. Someone I can talk to on the long drives, so I can get my mind off the road. Time seems to go faster when I'm not actually thinking about driving.

Last night, I saw 3 cop cars on the shoulder of I-10. I had driven 660 miles, and I was only 50 miles from my apartment! I was brain dead, but I slowed down and I didn't move over to the left lane. Then I see flashing blue lights behind me and I'm thinking, "I know I wasn't speeding. He's probably going after someone else." Except there's only like 3 cars on that stretch of highway. He follows me and pulls me over and I'm cursing internally and externally. He gives me a freaking citation for "failure to move over for an emergency vehicle". That isn't even a law in Maryland. How am I supposed to know these stupid Florida laws? Why am I given a citation because other crappy Florida drivers don't know how to avoid police on the side of the road?

I slept on it and I'm still angry about it. Now my options are to pay the fine and still get the points (hell no, I have too many points already), go to court (I could argue that I'm a Maryland resident, so I don't know stupid Florida laws), or go to a driver improvement class (costs money, but it may save me points). Now I have to deal with another stupid hassle, that shouldn't have been a hassle to begin with. Stop hassling me police! I don't break any major laws! I don't hurt people! Why don't you stop going after little guys and go after drug dealers and murderers?! So stupid! All I've seen from police in the past year is them shooting at my friends and giving me stupid tickets. My anger is further fueled because I have to live in this podunk town for longer for this stupid thesis and pay tuition money to this crappy state.

When are you going back?

2010-05-06T09:30:00.001-07:00

It's nice being home, seeing familiar faces, eating food I don't have to cook myself. But every time I come back, I have to deal with a pet peeve of mine. People always ask me, "When are you going back?"
I know they're not saying it with bad intentions, and they're curious about my stay. But the focus of that question is the going back part. I'm thinking, "I just got here and you're asking me when I'm leaving already? Haha." I think the question can be rephrased to, "How long are you staying?" That way, the focus is on the staying part and it feels more inviting to me.

Butt Pains

2010-04-29T21:42:00.001-07:00

I finally finished! The first draft. Of my literature review. For my thesis. But I still have the methods section, running the study, analyzing data, and writing the conclusion left. When I spell it out like that, it doesn't seem like that great of an accomplishment. But it is, so I'm happy.

Yesterday, when I sat down in my chair, I felt a sharp pain in my butt. I thought I might have strained it during my sleep. Maybe I kicked the blankets too hard or sleep-fought some ninjas. The pain kept bothering me, but only when I sat down. Finally, I sat down and I felt it again. I looked around at my posterior, and I found the cause of the sharp pains. It was a butt pimple.

Every time I watched "Life" on the Discovery Channel, they always showed the same thing: eating, procreating, and surviving. Survival of the fittest was always an important theme in all of the episodes. Only the fastest cheetahs get to eat, only the upper class monkeys get to chill in the sauna, only the bird with the fanciest house attracts the girl. Every episode I wondered, "If I lived in the wild, would I be able to survive? Would I be one of the fittest and live?" I consider myself to be athletic and kinda smart. Am I strong enough and cunning enough to live in the wild? I always wanted to be in some kinda experiment like that, live in a primitive world and see how I fare.

Now I'm watching "America: The Story of Us" on the History Channel. I'm a history buff and I've always loved learning about history. (No offense to Virginians, but part of the reasons I hate Virginia is historical. One of the reasons is because Virginians are notoriously bad at driving. Even in Florida, people with Virginia tags suck at driving. The main reason I hate Virginia, the state not the people, is because they redacted their offer to help be a part of Washington, DC. DC is supposed to be a diamond shape, but since Virginia didn't do their part DC looks like a half-chewed piece of paper.) While watching the show, I wondered, "When did American colonists lose their British accents?" One second they have British accents, then BAM it's an American accent.

David Yoon told me I'm awkward to talk on AIM or over the computer. I ask a lot of questions, and then silence. Sometimes I make things intentionally awkward, but I don't think I'm naturally awkward. This kinda blew my mind. People perceive me as awkward. I do ask questions, but I don't know what to say. Messaging is naturally an awkward form of conversation because of all the waiting and responding. I don't know how conversations are supposed to progress. Am I only supposed to talk to people when I have something to say to them? Don't people talk to people just to catch up or is that where the awkwardness comes in?

Another thing that blew my mind was from Urbana last year. I found out that I wipe my butt the "wrong" way. According to the people that went to Urbana, the "right" way is the wipe from front to back (towards your back). But I wipe from back to front (towards my stomach). But not in between my legs, so that pee gets on my arm. More like a sideways motion around my right cheek. (Edit: I tried to wipe the other way once, but it felt so unnatural and I almost toppled over because I had no balance.) How do you wipe? Maybe my "wrong" wiping motion is what created my butt pimple.

Don't Try to Out-awkward Me

2010-04-27T21:40:00.001-07:00

Frank: when are u having ur bachelorette party?

XXXX: why, you wanna come?
haha
it's on memorial day weekend

Frank: of course

XXXX: same day as my bridal shower

Frank: im assuming that im invited

XXXX: of course... you can be there to help me open lingerie
HAHAHAHAHHAAHA

Frank: sweet
dont be mad if u find some missing

XXXX: .....

Frank: HAHAHA

XXXX: was not expecting that reaction

Frank: JOKES ON YOU
dont try to out-awkward me

XXXX: thats true, what was i thinking
don't talk to me

Wallyball

2010-04-24T14:26:00.000-07:00

So on Tuesday night, my friends and I went to the gym to play wallyball. I had never heard of wallyball before this night, and my friends had never played it before. Here's a clip of good wallyball players.

It's like a mix of volleyball and racquetball. But since none of us knew the rules, we just tried to hit it off as many walls as possible. We weren't following the rules, so people were running into walls, spraining their ankles, getting smashed in the face. We started to get more used to it, and I thought I was the best one. I mean, honestly, I had the most volleyball experience (haha that's not a lot, considering that my friends had none). I kept getting annoyed at my friend who kept lifting the ball to spike it, but I didn't say anything because it was a "friendly" game (my team won both games). Then, they started talking smack so I reveled in spiking the ball directly at them. We played for 3 hours and it was really fun.

On Wednesday, I was really hungry because I had played wallyball for 3 hours and I didn't eat when I got home. So I went to KFC to try the new Double Down.

This afternoon, I finally recognized the sauce taste. It tastes like Zaxbys sauce.

But for the rest of the week, including weekend, I'm stuck at home trying to finish my thesis work. Stupid thesis work.

Crazy Dream 4-18

2010-04-19T01:56:00.000-07:00

Another crazy dream(s) I had last night.
(Sidenote: I'm able to remember my dreams because I keep a pad on my nightstand next to my bed, so when I wake up I quickly write down everything that happened.)

First, I'm at a bowling alley with my friends. Eric So, David Song, Charles, Danny, Philip, and Keeyoung are there with me. The bowling alley is empty except for us and another group of guys who are two lanes to the left of us. I know they are bad guys (presumably thugs), and they are getting ready to jump us because we are good guys and they have beef with us.

Then, I'm at an Impact (college) lock-in with Josh and Keeyoung in charge. Apparently, I'm playing some video games with a group of other people (I think it was N64). Josh ushers everybody outside, and Eric's old 4Runner SUV is flying down from the sky and lands on a field. Josh wants to demonstrate the power of teamwork, so he orders all the Impact kids to lift the car and carry it to another location. Before the kids lift the car, it shifts to a plane (crazy things happen in dreams). Passengers are inside the plane, including my parents, waiting for take-off. The kids starts to carry the plane a few feet, but the plane is too heavy and they drop it. After dropping the plane, the kids try to lift it again, but they end up flipping the plane.

I start to panic because my parents are inside and I'm worried that they might be hurt or worse. I get extremely angry at Josh for his stupid idea to lift the car/plane. I rip the door off the plane and I run inside to look for my parents. Luckily, they are both ok, but another guy in front of them looks dead. I unbuckle his seat belt and check for his pulse. I'm careful not to move him too much because I don't want him to hurt more. He has hurt his neck, so I carefully and slowly move him out of the plane.

Josh tells all the Impact kids to go back inside. I linger around the plane and make sure my parents are not hurt. While I'm walking inside, I see Lisa going inside as well. She's returning from her Africa trip, so I ask her how her trip was and how she's doing. Once I get inside, Pastor Mo stops me at the stairwell. He asks me how I'm doing. I tell him that I almost lost both of my parents today and it's tough to deal with, then I start crying.

Then I woke up crying, not sobbing, but intermittent tears. Kind of like weak whimpering.

Crazy Dream 4-16

2010-04-16T10:27:00.000-07:00

I woke up to another crazy, meandering dream today.

I come home with my cousin from Korea, Hansung, who is like 6 years older than me. (This is random to me because I haven't seen him since 2002, and I completely don't expect him to show up in my dreams.) We're in my dining room of my Maryland house, and Keeyoung then walks into the door. Now, I'm talking to Hansung and Keeyoung and going back and forth to the kitchen to get some food.

Now, I'm at a nice Korean restaurant with my parents and another family with a random daughter. Their special finale is Trident layers gum lit on fire and the gum crackles and goes off like a mini-firework. (I don't know if this is true or not.) I'm not paying attention to my parents or the other family or my food because I'm on my cell phone which has a QWERTY keyboard attachment. So I'm actually online through my cell phone and doing research and looking for things.

However, there is also a gaming component to this fancy restaurant, like a Dave and Buster's. I see a bunch of my friends walking to the game part of the restaurant, so I walk to them. I realize that they're celebrating Irene's birthday (random), but I don't think I was invited. Like all the people in my consciousness are at this birthday party, and they guys are dressed in tuxedos and the girls are in dresses. Irene made it a black tie event, so everybody is dressed very fancily. Then, I see Charles in a vest and jeans, and I ask him why he's not dressed up. He says that he's came straight from work and he's going to the gym afterwards. So I nod.

As I'm walking back over to the other side of the restaurant, John kicks a soccer ball at me. I instinctively react and knock the ball away from my face, and it ricochets all over the place. He and Keeyoung are playing soccer inside the restaurant, but the Korean ladies are getting mad at me. John tells me to kick it gently back to him next time. I'm back at the dinner table and the other family has left already, and my parents are getting ready to leave.

I pull out my backpack and start to do some school work (who does that?), but then Timothy kids and college kids, like Edward, start to bother me. They distract me from my work, so I can't concentrate so I get up to leave. Then a wallet falls out my backpack and a Timothy kid picks it up for me. He says, "You dropped your wallet." But it's not my wallet. It's Sang's wallet. I run around the restaurant looking for Sang to return his wallet. When I get outside, I hear people yelling, "We're going to kill you when we find out who stole the $500!" Somebody stole $500 from Sang's wallet and I have that wallet in my possession! That's going to look bad for me. So I start to get wary about returning the wallet. I'm walking outside, and I finally spot Sang walking to his car with a bunch of angry friends. I tell him, "Hey, you're wallet was in my backpack, but I didn't take the money." He says, "I know. Somebody else took it." I'm very relieved to hear that he doesn't suspect me.

Now, I'm ready to leave the restaurant because the birthday party is over and people are going home. I'm looking for the people I drove to the restaurant with, but I can't find my car either. I'm going back and forth looking for people and looking for my car. All of a sudden, I see Timothy kids trying to get back into the restaurant, but then there's this witch-like lady and she ensnares them in chains around their ankles. She falls into this side hole next to the door and 3 of them fall in with her. A fourth kid is trying to climb up the door, but this secret hole sucks him in as well.

I'm freaking out. People are kidnapping people. They have guns. I'm unarmed. I crouch behind a long brick wall about 3 feet high, looking out to see if anything's happening. I run up a stairwell to try to get closer to the restaurant to rescue the kidnapped. Out of nowhere, the kidnappers are on the stairwell and they're about to take me, but then snipers take them out. WTH is going on?! Now, Chuck from the TV show and his huge team (let's call them good guys) is helping me rescue the kids because the kidnappers are bad people.

They have an elaborate plan set up, with a 3 pronged attack. The first part of the attack is to have one of the good guys slowly open a window and crawl into where the bad guys are hiding out. The good guy is supposed to turn himself in and sacrifice his life and create a distraction for the rest of the team. Chuck asks the guy if he's cool with that and the guy agrees. However, I see something different in his eyes. He's scared, he doesn't seem fully committed. He starts to slowly open the window, but it makes a loud squealing sound. Chuck and I freeze and move out of sight from the window. I hear the lead bad guy say, "April Fools!" The good guy betrayed us! He was a bad guy all along!

The leader of the bad guys throws a canister out of the window, and purple smoke starts coming out. It envelops the air all around us, and it burns and it makes it hard to breathe. One good guy falls to the ground because it's too toxic. Chuck and I start running as fast as we can and jump through another window. I can't see anything because there are tears in my eyes, and it's difficult to breath. We finally run back to the brick wall and just lay down trying to catch our breath and regain our vision.

Then I woke up.

End of an Era

2010-04-14T21:37:00.000-07:00

Last night marked the last time I play intramural sports at FSU. Our softball team lost in the playoffs, 20-9. This always seems to happen in any IM sport that I play on. We cruise through the regular season and everybody's happy and hunky-dory. But playoff time comes and we face a good team. People start to make mistakes, they start to panic, and we lose our composure and the game. I made a huge mistake to start off the game yesterday. I'm the lead-off batter (a right-handed version of Ichiro Suzuki), and I hit a ball right back to the pitcher. He kind of bobbled the ball and awkwardly threw it to the first baseman, but it flew over the first baseman's head. So I sped on over to second base. But for some stupid reason, I kept tried to stretch it out even further and I ran to third base. I was tagged out and I scraped up my knee in the process. All my teammates were stunned and annoyed, and I was disappointed in myself for making a stupid mistake. I kept replaying the mistake over and over in my head, asking myself why I went to third when I would have probably scored from second anyways. Stupid stupid stupid.

Not a good way to end my IM career at FSU. However, I am happy that I won at least 1 IM Championship here in soccer. I played a lot of sports during my time here, including flag football, volleyball, soccer, and softball. Curiously, I didn't play basketball because I could never find enough people to make a team. I consider it a huge accomplishment that I was able to win an IM Championship at Maryland (twice in 6 foot and under basketball) and FSU. I'm also glad that I didn't sustain any serious injuries. I saw other teammates dislocate their patella, tear their ACL, and other gruesome injuries. I'm glad that didn't happen to me.

It was a different type of experience for me because when I was at Maryland, I always played with my friends (Charles, Jason, Scott, Elf, John Park) on those teams. We knew how each other played, we knew what we were going to do, and we were good at what we did. But here, I had to adjust to new people and people having their own idea of what they wanted to do. I was in a leadership position when I played IM sports at FSU. I was the QB for football and the pitcher for softball because I'm awesome. But people kept inserting their own ideas of what they wanted and how they wanted to do it.

(Pet Peeve: People boasting about their athletic talents and abilities. If you say you're the best WR on the team, I don't want to hear excuses every time you drop the ball. Don't blame it on your ankle. Don't blame it on the lights. Don't blame the refs. Own up to your mistakes and shut up about your abilities. You're not as good as you think, and nobody agrees with you. This isn't directed at any particular person, but I've encountered a lot of people like that here. If you're going to talk, you better back it up.)

Overall, playing sports is always fun for me. I really enjoy playing sports because it gives me a release and it's a place to build friendships. I definitely enjoy the camaraderie (what a weird word) of teammates, and sports is a good venue for social growth. It can also create some lasting memories like this one:

Body Issues

2010-04-12T13:42:00.000-07:00

I went out to the pool again today. I know, I live a horrible life. When I got back to shower, I realized that my butt skin will never see the light of day. The only chance it has of seeing the sun is if I go to a nude beach (highly unlikely) or I buy a banana hammock (impossible) or I get caught for public indecency (sorta unlikely). If I keep going out in the sun, there's going to be a stark contrast between the mendoza line above my waist and below my waist.

Speaking of waists, mine has grown noticeably bigger in the two years I've been down in Florida. Due to my unhealthy eating and sleeping habits, I've seen increased girth. My metabolism has slowed down, but I didn't think that would happen until I was in my 30s. I have a horizontal crease on my stomach from where the fat overlaps each other. I've become much more conscious of the foods I'm eating and the portions I'm eating as well to help my life expectancy.

I know I haven't been going to church as regularly as I should down here. Sometimes I make up stupid excuses like I want to sleep in or I want to watch the football game. Most times I just don't want to feel uncomfortable going to a new place. I went to a new church yesterday called Christian Heritage Church. First, I thought I had stumbled into a black church because everyone I saw in the parking lot was black. It is a huge church building, with an elaborate stage and a great worship team. The worship team was different because they sang songs I didn't know, and they didn't put the lyrics on the screens, so I didn't know what to sing. The Tallahassee IHOP is connected to the church, and I think this service was different from the usual services because the worship/ministry time was an hour and the sermon was 15 minutes. It's an interesting place, and I'll probably go back there next week. I think a huge point of emphasis I got from being in Tallahassee is that churches have to make newcomers feel welcome because nothing sucks more than looking for a church to attend, and having nobody make you feel like you're welcomed.

This Weekend

2010-04-10T21:46:00.001-07:00

This has been a good weekend so far. On Friday, I woke up at 1 pm. I sauntered out to the pool area with my ESPN the magazine.

You can see me in my glorious blue swim suit, with the cute girl laying out in the background. I enjoyed the weather outside for a while, then I went to a picnic with the fob church I've been going to. They cooked up a huge batch of sam gyup ssal at the picnic, so I got a nice free dinner, but it was still kind of awkward. The price of free sam gyup ssal is awkward conversation in broken Korean with fobs and ahjummahs.

Today, I went out to some rinky-dink par 3 golf course. It's not much, but it suits me for my needs. I chipped in for a par on one hole, and I only 3 putted twice, so those are both mini-accomplishments. It was fun just being out in the sun and enjoying the weather. While I was eating dinner, random fireworks started popping up, then I found out it was for the spring football game for FSU.

Now, I find that I can't focus on my thesis for more than 10 minutes at a time. I always preoccupy myself with twitter, facebook, sports blogs, or freecell. I'm going to keep my goal of finishing this part by tomorrow. I'm also going to a new church tomorrow, so I'll see how it goes. I hate going to new churches because it's always so awkward and uncomfortable for me. Everybody just looks at you weird and they're fake-polite to you. And I stick out even more because I'm not white.

As a left-handed person, I need to utilize my creative side. I feel like my only creative outlet is this blog. I like making videos and doing creative things, but I have no release for my creativity. Any suggestions? Rapping? Dancing? Acting?

Traveling

2010-04-06T20:49:00.000-07:00

The first I did when I finally got back to my Tallahassee home was lay out by the pool with my ESPN The Magazine. There weren't too many people there, so I had some space to myself. After tanning for a bit, I finally jumped into the cold, refreshing water. Then, the little girl that was swimming in the pool asked me, "Why is your mouth red?" I replied, "Probably because the water is cold." She said, "I think it's bleeding." And, of course, she was right, so I had to leave the pool and plug my nose for a few minutes.

I recounted this exact story to my friend and this was the person's response.

XXX: ...

XXX: for some reason
XXX: i didn't read nose, and thought you got your period

flee23ii: .....

WHY WOULD I HAVE A PERIOD?

XXX: THAT'S WHY I THOUGHT IT WAS WEIRD

First off, it doesn't even make physiological sense for me to have a period because I don't have ovaries or fallopian tubes or whatnots. Secondly, if I EVER EVER had a period, I would definitely not tell ANYBODY about it. I would give up my body for science and tell doctors to find out what was wrong with me. It was a nice day at the pool though.

Another Crazy Dream

2010-03-31T12:57:00.000-07:00

I am going to tell you guys my dream last night.

I'm at a minor league baseball game with a bunch of Timothy kids and we're running through the hallways to get a good seat near the plate. When we finally sit down, we're all tired and exhausted from the running, and we're talking to each other instead of paying attention to the game. Then some things happen that I forgot.

When the game ends, the Timothy kids and I are crossing over this bridge to get to this narrow cabin. We're all sitting around and talking with each other. Then, it shifts to a small, cramped classroom setting with a TV. Now the room is full of Impact and Focus people. I don't know where the Timothy people went. Then something happens.

Next, I'm driving my car with a few Impact people riding with me, and I think we're going to a retreat. I pull up to a gas station in the middle of nowhere to fill my tank. The neighborhood is predominantly African Americans and they look at me funny. The Impact people go inside the gas station to buy some drinks and snacks. I start to get tired so I fall asleep in the car while the gas is pumping. When I wake up, I'm sitting outside the gas station and my car is gone. I run around frantically looking for my car, and a guy asks me for money to fill his car up, but I tell him I'm too busy because I lost my car.

I run to a nearby gas station across the street to see if anything moved it there. I run inside and ask the gas station attendant where my car went. He says they towed it to the back of the gas station. I run to the back of the gas station, but my car isn't there. I panic, and I run back inside the gas station and tell the Impact people that my car is stolen. They look like they don't really care. I call the police and tell them that my car is stolen. They tell me some baloney that they're doing all they can to find my car. I don't believe them, so I start yelling that it's their job to protect and serve people like me. Now I'm running through peoples' yards to get back to the gas station, and I'm getting really anxious. And I keep running and running, and then I wake up.

5 Reasons You Should Be Watching Parenthood

2010-03-31T01:37:00.000-07:00

It's 4:30 am, and I just watched the latest episode of Parenthood and I wanted to kind of expound on my post from last night. So I came up with a list of 5 reasons why you should be watching Parenthood.

1. It tackles serious family issues head on. One of the kids, Max, is diagnosed with Aspergers which in on the continuum of autism. As a result, the family must adjust to this disorder and cope with it as well. Another example is teenage relationships and how the parents feel out of the loop when they see their daughter dating. There are plenty more examples (abandoned father, divorced parents, paternity) of how this show goes after the tough stuff.

2. The ensemble cast is good and they're all good actors. I can't name all of them, but Craig T. Nelson (Coach), Lauren Graham (Gilmore Girls), Erika Christensen (Swimfan), Dax Shepherd (Punk'd) are on the show. The family dynamics are fun to observe, in a weirdly wholesome kind of way.

3. Grown up child stars are here.

Marguerite Moreau

aka Connie Moreau from the Mighty Ducks movies

also Mae Whitman

aka Ann Veal from Arrested Development

4. It's always leaves you smiling because you know that somehow you and your family can relate to this show.

5. MINKA KELLY will be on the show next week! Minka Kelly from Friday Night Lights (the tv series) and 500 Days of Summer (as Autumn) and Derek Jeter's girlfriend.

TV is my girlfriend

2010-03-30T02:09:00.000-07:00

I watch a lot of television. I watch it voraciously. I think spend at least 2 hours a day just watching tv, but it's something I enjoy. If I didn't watch so much tv, I think I'd be done with my thesis already. There are a lot of new shows that I like that have come out. Sometimes I wish I could be the programming director of a tv network and decide what shows get to be put on the air. I don't know how some quality shows like Arrested Development, Kitchen Confidential, Conan O'Brien, Undeclared, Freaks and Geeks, Flight of the Conchords and Better Off Ted (it will be canceled soon) are kicked off the air, but trash like Minute to Win It and The Marriage Ref are put on the air.

I can't sleep, so I'm going to list the shows that I've been watching this season with some of my own notes.

Sunday
-The Simpsons (always a classic, even though it's fallen off in the past decade)
-Family Guy
-I tried watching The Cleveland Show, but it's really not funny (see also American Dad). Maybe only one Seth McFarlane show can be funny
-Dexter (if you like murder/thriller/mystery shows, you gotta watch this on Showtime)
-Entourage
-True Blood (it's kind of out there with the vampires and stuff, but it's sometimes fun to watch)
-Life (this show is the reason God created HDTV. if you're not watching this show, you are truly missing out)

Monday
-Heroes (Heroes has really fallen off the map after the 2nd season. They introduced too many characters, the storyline got too complicated and unfocused and now its hard to watch.)
-Chuck (I loved it when Kristin Kreuk was back on the show. It literally made me happy to see her, like a real physical reaction.)
-24 (It's the final season. Hopefully it'll end on a high note).
-Dancing with the Stars (Don't judge me. This is the first season I'm watching. Nicole Scherzinger. Erin Andrews. Enough said. I should have watched when Joanna Krupa was on the show.)
-United States of Tara (I spent all Sunday afternoon and night watching the first season of this show. It's about a mom with dissociative identity disorder and all of her "alters". It's a pretty good show on Showtime)

Tuesday
-Parenthood (this is one show NBC got right. it follows a huge family and looks at the serious issues they have to deal with such as drug use, divorce, and other things. it's a really good show with a good ensemble cast. I love family shows)
-Lost (final season. it's gotten really good again. the island's mysteries will be solved)
-V (a new show on ABC that I enjoy. it's about alien visitors who appear peaceful, but are really here for underhanded reasons)

Wednesday
-Modern Family (another show that ABC got right. ABC doesn't do comedies well, but this is one of my favorite new shows. another family show that focuses on a large family. "why doesn't he go back to Columbia and take all his Brown friends with him?")
-Glee (surprisingly, another one of my favorites. don't judge me. this will back on air soon)

Thursday
-Community (up there with Modern Family as one of my favorite new comedies this season. the entire cast is funny)
-Parks and Recreation (it was a little shaky after the first season, but it's gotten a lot better this season. and Rashida Jones is cute)
-The Office (it used to be a classic. I don't know. the earlier seasons kept the focus in the office, but now it's all about relationships because everybody is pairing up. right now, I think it's the least funny show of NBC's Thursday night line-up)
-30 Rock (Tina Fey writing. Tracy Morgan acting crazy. Alec Baldwin as a right wing nut. Elements of a great tv show)
-Survivor (I don't watch much reality tv, but I've been watching this for most of the seasons. I hate the term reality tv because most of it isn't reality. Keeping Up with the Kardashians isn't real, Celebrity Apprentice isn't real. Survivor is real. people really have to live out on their own and fend for themselves emotionally, physically, and most importantly psychologically. maybe I'll try out for Survivor one day, they always need Asians on the show)
-Flashforward (a new show from ABC. ABC has been pretty solid with their dramas I think with V and Flashforward. everybody in the world blacks out and sees a glimpse into their future. would you want to see your future if you knew that it meant it might change how you see the present?)
-America's Best Dance Crew (Poreotix)

Saturday
-Saturday Night Live (I miss Will Ferrell. Andy Samberg is funny, but the only time I see him is during those digital shorts. it seems like Kristin Wiig is in every sketch, she's funny but I dislike most of the characters that she does)

So yea, these are the shows I watch on a regular basis that are stored on my DVR. this isn't including the sports that I watch or the shows I just catch from time to time (Man vs. Wild, Kitchen Nightmares). I even keep a list of shows that I haven't watched yet, sort of like a to-do list for tv shows (Archer, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Party Down, Mad Men, Breaking Bad, House). From my list, it's predominantly NBC and FOX for comedy, ABC for dramas and Modern Family, HBO and Showtime for the gritty and edgy shows, and CBS for Survivor. How is CBS the #1 rated network? They only show crime procedurals or unfunny comedies or shows for old people. If I were running NBC, they'd be the #1 network, if only.

Any other TV suggestions for me?

Subtle/Covert Racism (?) Ignorance (?)

2010-03-02T23:02:00.000-08:00

So during this past week, I've been in a few situations that made me a little uncomfortable, a little bothered, or heightened my racial sensitivity. [Sidenote: I've never blogged in front of a mirror before. I look handsome typing.]

-Last Thursday
I went to Thomasville, Georgia to pay off a speeding ticket at the courthouse. While at the courthouse, the mid-30s, white woman cashier says to me "I'm not trying to be nice [I think she meant she's not hitting on me], but are you Ken Lee?"
I just stood there confused because she had my name on the paper she was holding. So I replied, "Uh...no."
Then she processed my payment, and came back and said, "The reason I asked is because my brother had a friend in high school named Ken and I wasn't sure if you were him."
From this short conversation, I got the impression that she thought I was Ken because there aren't many Asians in Thomasville, so I must be the same person as the only other Asian person in Thomasville.

Right after I left the courthouse, I went to a deli in Thomasville with my Korean fob friend. At the deli, an elderly white woman asked us, "So where are you guys from?"
Whenever I hear this question, I want to answer Maryland, but I know that's not what they're really asking. They're really asking "What ethnicity are you?"
So we both answered, "Korea" even though that's not true for me. I didn't want to complicate a simple deli transaction.
Then she said, "The reason I asked is because my husband is going on a business trip to China, so I wanted to know if you guys were Chinese."
So then I got to thinking, she probably can't tell the difference between any Asian peoples' faces, but I don't really blame her. I also started thinking does she assume that Asian people are supposed to know like specific parts of Asia. China is a huge country. I wonder how much she actually knows about China.

-Today
I was driving back up to Maryland, and I stopped in Pembrooke, North Carolina to fill up on gas and eat some Burger King. I ordered my food from Burger King from a mid-20s black woman. She asks me, "What race are you?"
Me: "Korean."
Cashier: "You speak English pretty good."
Me: "..."
Me: "I was born here."
I didn't say it rudely, but I was taken aback by that. From that situation, I assumed that she thought because I was Asian-American I am automatically a foreigner. It seemed like it didn't cross her mind that I could have been born in the States.

I know these people had good intentions, and nothing was said maliciously but I don't know if these are signs of subtle or covert racism or ignorance or what. I don't know. I feel Asian-Americans are still marginalized in mainstream American culture. I remember Alice wrote a paper that discussed how Asian women are portrayed as either exotic or cunning and deceptive in movies and Asian men are seen as martial arts experts or cold, non-emotional figure.

What do you think? Am I being overly sensitive? Am I reading too much into the situation? Or are these situations stemming from ignorance? Can ignorance be a form of racism?

Olympics, my past, and other musings

2010-02-23T02:26:00.000-08:00

I love sports, including the Winter Olympics. I love television. Ergo, I love watching the Winter Olympics on television.
Watching the Olympics has brought up a conundrum in my life. I am an American citizen, born and raised in America, yet I cheer for Korea in all sporting events. When I watch short track or soccer or any sport where Korea and America compete, I cheer for Korea. This isn't a recent event either. I noticed it during the 2002 World Cup when Korea and America played each other. I talked to some other people, and I noticed that my Chinese-American friends, cheer for America in the same situations. So I tried to figure out why this is the case.
My guess is that I am in a unique situation as a Korean-American. Koreans are a very homogeneous society, and I have two Korean parents. I was raised in an American background, but I still retain remnants of my Korean culture. I noticed this, especially here at FSU because when I chill with Korean fobs I am familiar with their culture and style, but I'm not totally comfortable with it. Being a Korean-American definitely presents a unique situation for me.

And then, I started to think about my future wife *fingers crossed*. What if I don't marry a Korean-American? Would my kids cheer for Korea or American then? What if I do marry a Korean-American? Would the Korean culture be so diluted for them that they feel no connection to Korea? I honestly don't know what my kids are going to do. I don't think I have a preference, but my parents want me to marry a Korean so there is no language or cultural barrier between them. All these questions because of the Olympics.

And then, I started to think about my past girlfriends. My past two girlfriends have not been Korean, but I don't regret any of the girls I've dated. In fact, I'm very proud of the girls I've dated, and I think I have a pretty solid track record. If you don't agree, you can just shut up. All of them have contributed to my life and changed me in some way or another. Because of my first crush, I pestered my parents into getting internet so I could talk to her on AIM. Because of my first girlfriend, I bothered my parents into getting a driver's permit so I could have freedom to drive. Because of my second girlfriend, I harassed my parents into getting a cell phone so I could have my own private line and talk to her whenever.

And then, I started to think about what Keeyoung said. He insulted me by saying that I'm very needy. And he's right. But I got mad, so I spit some truth back at him and made him think about some stuff. Then, I re-examined my past relationships, and noticed all the times I have been needy. Being a needy hopeless romantic is possibly the worst combination. You try to plan everything out and when things don't the way you planned, you are ruined. I like having control and reciprocation. If I call you, I expect you to call back in a timely manner. Maybe I'm too demanding, but I'm willing to compromise. I don't know. It's late and I can't sleep and I don't know what I'm saying. These topics are vaguely tied together, but still random. I'm going to lay in bed for a while and try to fall asleep.

Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T22:35:00.000-08:00

Today was Valentine's Day, and since it fell on a Sunday, and entire weekend was dedicated to it. If I had to rate holidays based on how I felt on a scale of 0-10, 0 being extremely hate it, 5 being neutral and 10 being extremely love it, Christmas would be an 7, Thanksgiving would be an 8, my birthday would be a 6, and Valentine's Day would be a 4. I don't hate it, but I don't have any use for it now.

The Focus Valentine's Dinner was not as awkward as I expected it to be, and the activities and food turned out real well, no thanks to me. It felt good to be in Maryland, surrounded by people I know and that I'm comfortable with. I will be flying to Florida in a few hours if the weather cooperates.

While I was watching "(500) Days of Summer," Keeyoung labeled me a hopeless romantic, but I didn't know exactly what that meant, so he sent me a definition of it.

This was the definition he sent me (from urbandictionary.com):
This person is in love with love. They believe in fairy tales and love. They're not to be confused as stalkers or creepy because that's not what a hopeless romantic is. All hopeless romantics are idealists, the sentimental dreamers, the imaginative and the fanciful when you get to know them. They often live with rose colored glasses on. They make love look like an art form with all the romantic things they do for their special someone.

I know some people would try to label me as creepy, but that's not the case in real life. I just like messing with people and creating awkward situations. Then the definition got me thinking to see if I really was a hopeless romantic. I am an idealist, and I like to make plans about what I expect to happen. But most of the time, my plans get ruined anyway. I am a sentimental dreamer. I keep trinkets and the like from past relationships. I think I'm creative.

Whatever. I am what I am and I don't need a label on me. This weekend also made me think about some things:

-When I propose, I'm going to send her a text message saying "Marry me? Y/N". I don't need these fancy, memory lane excursions to propose to her. This will really test our relationship and she if she likes me for me. (I probably won't do this, but imagine what would happen if I really did this. She'd probably dump me over text saying "Hell no. We're done.")

-When I'm married, we're going to have to do separate laundry. I hate touching women's underwear when I'm doing laundry at home, so I usually pick them up with my socks, so I don't have to directly touch them. (This probably won't happen either because it'd be a waste of water and electricity, but in an ideal world I would do it like this).

-My girlfriend/wife better not talk about PMS. I hate it when girls about their "monthly visitor." I don't care if it's natural. If I can't talk about my bowel movements, then you can't talk about your periods.

Those are my feelings towards VDay now. Maybe they'll change, maybe they won't, but I'm just going to enjoy myself for the time being. And I won't let Keeyoung get in my head with his labels.

Sleep Troubles

2010-02-11T18:15:00.000-08:00

For the past few months, I've been having trouble sleeping. I sleep too late, I wake up too late, I don't sleep enough, or a combination of those problems. I usually didn't have trouble sleeping, but now I just lay in bed for hours trying to fall asleep. I think I have some psychological issues that are keeping me awake at night. I also get these crazy dreams where inexplicable things happen to me and the people around me. The dreams are realistic, but they're also fantasy-like.

Here's one example of a dream I had 2 nights ago. (Names are changed to protect the identity of the people in my dream.) I was shopping in a Korean market place either in Korea or a place with a high population of Koreans. I was with my friend Sam* (not his real name) and I was shopping for clothes there and Sam was just walking around with me. I found some Maryland hoodies in the racks, so I was getting ready to buy them. Upon closer inspection, the black hoodie was holding was torn near the waist and it had Tahj Holden's name stitched into it. So I put that hoodie back on the rack. Then the second hoodie I found was too skin-tight, like super-tight. Kinda like this picture.

So obviously, this is too small for me, so I put it back on the rack.
Then afterwards, my dream shifts to me and my dad in a field with a VW bus, and we're both laying down on the grass. I get a call from Sandy* telling me I should go to this circus. My dad tells me not to go because it's dangerous. I get a flash of what the circus looks like and its like a gateway to hell. And I'm still on the phone with Sandy, and she's telling me I should go. And I'm hesitant because I don't want to be in this hell circus. Then I woke up from my dream.

Because I have had trouble falling asleep, I've been watching movies while I'm awake at night. I watched "The Cove" recently. It's a documentary about the dolphin slaughter in Taiji, Japan. The fisherman herd the dolphins into this little cove and then they capture the nicest ones for aquariums and shows (like Seaworld). After they've selected the best ones, they round up the rest of the dolphins and kill them for food except dolphin food is high in mercury content and possibly poisonous to humans. The movie made me really mad at those Japanese fishermen, especially since dolphins are my favorite animals. The documentary is very one-sided because the director wasn't allowed to talk to the Japanese officials, but it raises awareness at an issue that is virtually unknown.

Speaking of movies, I want to watch "Valentine's Day". Jessica Alba, Taylor Swift, Anne Hathaway, Bradley Cooper, Jamie Foxx. I tend to like these ensemble cast movies like "Love Actually" and "He's Just Not That Into You". Don't judge me. I'm allowed to like whatever movies I want. *shaking fist at your face*

I'll be back in Maryland tomorrow for the weekend. So if you're reading this, that means you're looking forward to seeing me.

Songs to hear: The Script- Break Even, Relient K- Therapy

While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
The Script- Break Even

This is just therapy. Just call it what it is with a death grip on this life always transitioning.
This is just therapy 'cause you won't take my calls and that makes God the only one who's left here listening.
Relient K- Therapy

Super Bowl Weekend Recap

2010-02-08T20:14:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, the snow changed my plans for this weekend. I was supposed to go up Friday and come back on Monday, but they blizzard wouldn't let me. So I had to improvise and find some things to do during the weekend.

Friday
On Friday, I went to this fob Korean church I've visited a few times because my friend asked me to go and I've been meaning to go this semester. He was practicing with the worship team when I got there, so I was alone. And it was the most awkward moment ever. People stared at me because they recognized me, but they knew I couldn't speak Korean well so they couldn't really approach me. So I just stood there for a few seconds, and they were whispering my friend's name. I put my Bible down and made a quick escape to the bathroom. But then after the service, they all went bowling at school, and I joined them. Sports are the fastest way for me to bond with people, so I talked to a few people and chilled with them. It was enjoyable. I bowled 154 on the last game with only 2 open frames. I also only had 2 strikes, so I definitely could have hit the 170-180 range.

Saturday
I suck at grocery shopping. This is mostly because I don't know how to cook anything besides spaghetti. I cook spaghetti like once a week. It's pretty sad. Sometimes I try to make some new things like General Tsos Chicken, but that's rare. I went grocery shopping at Publix (the Florida version of Safeway). This particular one is nicknamed Club Pub and it was named by Playboy to be the best place to pick up a hot date (according to the Internet and some people who go to school here). Out of my total bill of $91.69, I spent $33.35 on drinks and $21.44 on snacks. Over half of my ball was just drinks and snacks. Pitiful.

Sunday
I played in some co-ed intramural soccer games. Definitely not like the men's team. Everybody's calmer and sane. I watched the Super Bowl at my friend's place. I didn't have as much fun because there were too many couples, ergo nobody for me to talk to.

Misc
I watched "Up in the Air" over the weekend. I thought it was a very good movie. Very deserving of the Oscar nomination. I don't want to ruin it for people, so I'll just say watch the movie. I also read David's entry about "(500) Days of Summer" and the Oscars. While I very much liked "(500) Days of Summer", I don't think it deserves to be in the Best Picture category. When I think of Best Picture, I think it has to make you say "I want to watch this in a theater". I watched "(500) Days of Summer" on my laptop and I thought it would have had the same effect as watching it in the theater.

Speaking of the Oscars, I think "Hurt Locker" should win Best Picture and Best Director; however, I think "Avatar" will win Best Picture and "Hurt Locker" will win Best Director. "Avatar" has a crazy cinematic experience because of the graphics and images and imagination, but the story line is weak because the plot is cliched.

My electricity bill came out to be $166. That's almost the same as the past 2 months combined. I don't know how it got that expensive. Maybe because of my PS3? Perhaps. In order to save electricity and create a nice ambience (I'm kidding about the last part...or am I?), I've been taking showers by candlelight. It's a scented candle, so it even smells good when I'm showering. Don't judge me. I'm sure you're going to try it too now. Don't look at me with those questioning eyes. Weirdo.

MD-FSU Recap

2010-02-05T23:40:00.001-08:00

So I went to the Maryland-FSU basketball game and Maryland won in a close game, just as I had predicted. It didn't have to be that close, but we let FSU back into the game at the end. I stood out in my red MD hoodie in a sea of white "Tobacco Free Florida" t-shirts in lieu of the FSU whiteout. It was a fun game to go to and now I've been to more Maryland basketball games than some Maryland students, which is shameful. This was an important win for Maryland because we don't have any signature wins yet, and our nonconference schedule hasn't helped us much. This game was important because we got a solid road ACC win, which are hard to come by. We're beating the teams we're supposed to beat, and we're losing to the teams we're supposed to lose to.

Some observations from the game:

Jordan Williams is really stepping up his game. He's getting more involved in the offense and he's producing. Even when he picked up 3 quick fouls, he played hard and smart. We finally have a big man again (hopefully) who we can dump the ball into the post, and he'll get his own shot off without turning it over. I saw like 4 uncontested dunks from him.
I love Landon. He's looking more and more like he could really play in the NBA.
We still need to cut down on the turnovers and grab more rebounds. There were many plays when FSU got extra possessions because we turned it over or we couldn't rebound.
Greivis gets selfish sometimes and that's been the case in other games as well. When our shots aren't falling, he sometimes tries to hard to do it himself and our offense is limited when that happens. We score most efficiently when the ball is moving and we get open shots for everybody.
Greivis also got the loudest boos every time he touched the ball. There were some ignorant signs across the stadium that said "Deport Greivis" and "Mexican". It's funny to call someone an alien when the best player on your own team is Nigerian (Solomon Alabi). There was a Nigerian flag right next to the "Deport Greivis" sign. FSU definitely isn't the epitome of culture or diversity.
Speaking of Greivis, I don't know why some of our "fans" vehemently hate him. He's the best player on our team right now and you hate him? That doesn't make sense to me. Maryland "fans" call him cocky and a douchebag. I'd expect that from other teams' fans, but not our own. He's a college student and he's having fun playing the sport he loves. What's wrong with that? I love when he does the shimmy shake. He's not doing it to spite the other team, he's doing it because he's having fun. Let the kid have his fun while he's still a kid. I don't like Lebron, but I enjoy it when he's taking pictures with his teammates and goofing off during the game because he's just enjoying the situation. Sports are supposed to be fun. We don't need to suck the athletes' enjoyment of it.
Basketball at Comcast is a totally different atmosphere than at FSU. Generally speaking, Maryland fans are more passionate and knowledgeable about the game than FSU fans. All MD students stand throughout the entire game. At FSU, there are 2 sections of "hardcore" fans that stand the entire time. When the game was close at the end, then some people started standing. Before the game started, I heard some guys behind me asking where DeMercy was and even I knew that he left the team a few days before.
Since FSU plays basketball off-campus, they sell beer at the game. But it costs $6.50.
The girls FSU at more attractive than at MD. No offense, but a larger proportion of girls are attractive to me at FSU than at MD.
I was on the Jumbotron for a few seconds. The guy in the row behind me was in some Verizon promotion during the game, so they put him up on the Jumbotron, but I was in the picture so I popped my Maryland hoodie a few times to let them know what's up.
After the game ended, a fan threw the free shirts they were giving out at the ref in retaliation for the charge call at the end. The kid tried to run away up the stairs, but the cops eventually caught up to him and cuffed him. Idiot.
Then I went to a bar with a few friends to celebrate the Maryland win. They $4 liquor pitchers which is a pretty good deal. At 1:14 AM, that was the first time all day someone said something bad to me about Maryland. He said something like "Maryland sucks" but I just smiled it off. I remember it was 1:14 because I looked at my phone to make sure I remembered.

I think the next few games should be a good barometer of how deep this team will advance. We have to take care of UNC because they are reeling and Roy Williams (who is great as a recruiter) totally sucks as a tactical coach. Then we face UVA who we always have trouble with even when they had Pete Gillen, especially the last game of the year when we need it. I read Pyon's post about Tony Bennett and he's done some good things with that team. That UVA game worries me the most so far. The Dook game on Saturday is semi-important but not really. If we beat them, we can start thinking about seeding and getting into the 6-9 range. If we don't, we weren't expected to, so it's not totally damaging.

Maryland-FSU

2010-02-03T23:31:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow is the big matchup between Maryland and FSU. Maryland needs a road win badly because they don't really have any quality road wins in the ACC. They don't really have any standout wins in their resume. While I think Maryland is 80% to get into the NCAA tournament, we can always help our seed with a solid ACC record of 11-5 or 10-6.

FSU fans are making this a white-out game. That's better for me because I'll stand out even more in my red Maryland hoodie. When I went to the Maryland-FSU football game, I heard some things, mostly one guy calling me a pussy. But that didn't make sense to me because I was in enemy territory and I was the pussy for wearing my Maryland gear. But other than a few drunk guys, I didn't get hassled by other people.

Going to basketball games at FSU is a totally different experience than going to basketball games at Maryland. I like the scanning system at Maryland right now, however imperfect it may be. (One suggestion to improve the system at Maryland is to scan people when they leave. The people that stay til the end of the game get 2 points for the lottery and the people that leave early get 1 point.) I've realized that Maryland is very much a basketball school. Maryland has a decent football team that makes some runs in their good years, but they can't compete yearly with the powerhouses. We can't even keep all our recruits in state. The DMV is a hotbed for football prospects, but Maryland didn't have 1 five star recruit this year. But basketball season creates a different atmosphere. People are pumped to go to games. They go to the crappy games to have a better shot at going to the Duke and UNC games.

Not the case with FSU. FSU is very much a football school. People drive in on Fridays in their RVs and just camp out on campus. Saturday morning, everything in town is closed, even the school gym. Thousands are people are outside tailgating for the game, and it's a unique atmosphere. The stadium seats 87,000 people. Football games are an all day event. You spend the morning eating and drinking. You spend the afternoon watching the game. You spend the night eating, drinking, and watching other football games. But when basketball season rolls around, it seems like people don't care. Maybe it's because I'm a graduate student, I'm not in touch with the undergrad population, but to me it seems like basketball is an afterthought. FSU can be ranked and people don't care. There's no rush for tickets except for the Duke and UNC games, so I can literally walk up to the ticket window at the stadium and go into the game right before tip-off.

But I want to make sure, so I got my ticket earlier today. I'll be in my red Maryland hoodie, hopefully close to the action (since not many people will be there), cheering for the Terps. And if anybody calls me a pussy, I'll just point to the scoreboard after we win.

I was supposed to fly up to Maryland this weekend, but the snow is messing up my plans. We'll see how things shake out after tomorrow.

Introduction

2010-02-01T20:26:00.000-08:00

So, this is my blog I made because of the encouragement of Tim Kim. Blogging was one of my New Year's resolutions, but I didn't make one because I didn't know what I would talk about. I'll primarily blog about sports, things that go on in my life, my pet peeves, little anecdotes, maybe some deep topics once in a while. But whoever is reading this, stop stalking me and if you do decide to continue stalking me, I hope you enjoy what you read.

Intramural Soccer

2010-02-01T20:10:00.000-08:00

I hate playing soccer with bitches. And I don't mean bitches as a derogatory word towards women, but people who always complain when they're playing and expend more energy yelling at their teammates and refs than actually playing the game.

I'm in an intramural soccer league here at FSU and our season started last week. We're in Division I (I don't even know why we're in Division I. We couldn't even win in Division II last year) and we've played 3 games so far. We tied our first game last week, and everyone was amicable and friendly.

Tonight, we had a doubleheader. We started losing in our first game like 4-0. Then things turned to hell and I knew this was going to happen. When things go badly, people start to play by themselves because they are obviously All-Stars. They think they belong in the World Cup (mind you this is INTRAMURAL SOCCER AT FSU), so they want to dribble and shoot by themselves. When one person does this, everybody else thinks they should have the ball too, so a ball-hogging chain begins. And I recognize the fact that this is intramural soccer, so I just go along and get frustrated while everybody is playing with themselves.

During the second game, the ball came to me one time and I mis-hit it. It happens, I'm not perfect. So sue me.
Then this dude yells at me "Next time get control of the ball!"
I replied, as calmly as possible, "My bad. I mis-hit the ball. I know what I'm doing."
Then he goes, "Obviously, you don't cuz you didn't do it!"
In my head, I'm thinking "WTF! You don't even know me. STFU!"

So trying to a good guy, I just kept silent and the rest of the game snowballed downhill very quickly from there. I think we lost 6-1 at the end. That guy was yelling constantly at every single person on the field. The refs, his teammates, the other team.

Then another guys literally flopped trying to draw a card from the referee. The guy bumped him and he flopped like a fish. I was so embarrassed to be on that team at that moment. Who the hell flops during an intramural soccer game at FSU. AN INTRAMURAL SOCCER GAME AT FSU. I can't stress that point enough.

There are 5 "All-Stars" on that team and it's very hard to play with them. I like playing soccer, but I don't know if I can keep playing with them. As I said earlier, I hate playing soccer with bitches.